The Player’s Club - *

Posted on April 8, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

Oh boy! Another foray into the world of strippers! Are there any stories here that haven’t been told? Are there interesting ways to present tired material? Well, if there are, you wouldn’t know it from The Player’s Club.

Diana Armstrong (LisaRaye) is an unwed mother and college student struggling to barely get by. One day, while on her job at a local shoe store, she meets two strippers, Ronnie and Tricks (Chrystale Wilson and Adele Givens), who advise her to join them in a new career at The Player’s Club.

The Player’s Club is a gentleman’s club (aka strip bar) owned by the supposedly colorful Dollar Bill (Bernie Mac). Dollar is heavily in debt, but hires Diana on the spot, hoping a new young body will bring in more dough.

Diana puts her dignity aside, and prospers in the job, seeing it as merely a temporary money-making venture while she completes her education. However, trouble ensues when her young cousin, Ebony (Monica Calhoun), idolizing Diana’s lifestyle, decides to work at the club as well, and go farther than she wisely should.

The plight of the stripper is hardly anything new, having recently been covered by several bad movies (Showgirls, and Striptease). And while The Player’s Club tries to put an ethnic spin on the story, the result is not much better.

Ice Cube makes his directoral debut with this movie, and, of course, gives himself a bit part as a lowlife who frequents the club. His direction is serviceable, but uninspired. He fares much worse as the film’s screenwriter, surviving barely on the merits that his dialogue never plummets to the depths of Showgirls.

There are a couple of stories here that could have been interesting, but instead are relegated to pointless subplots. Diana’s relationship with an inspirational college professor, and the conflict of her protective father and her boyfriend (and club DJ) Blue (Jamie Foxx) are both stories that had much more potential than the mundane fare that fills the rest of the movie.

LisaRaye does the best she can with the “stripper-with-a-heart-of-gold” role. But, like virtually every other character here, she’s void of personality, and is merely a loose collection of stereotypes.

The Player’s Club is an inauspicious directing debut for Ice Cube. Hopefully his future efforts will be better than this unimaginative outing… it won’t be hard.

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Summer Preview

Posted on April 5, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

Summer is almost upon us, and it is time for an examination of that most reverent of summer passtimes: the Summer Event Movie Extravaganza!!! Never known to be a bastion of quality, at least the summer fare promises to entertain, or fall flat on its face trying. Here’s a roundup of what I expect to be the best (and the worst) of the summer season ahead. As always, the release dates are subject to change…so some of these may miss the season. Check my Coming Attractions List for the latest release dates.
After seeing the movies in question, I’ll add additional comments in this bold type.

Let’s start out with the one’s I’m not looking forward to (though I always could be surprised):

7. Almost Heroes
Hmmm…Chris Farley’s epitaph. Does anyone remember Wagons East?
Boy, was I right about this one. Farley’s worst film.
6. Quest for Camelot
After seeing Fox make a grab at Disney’s animation quality, and with superb buzz brewing around Dreamworks’ Prince of Egypt, this Saturday-Morning-Cartoon-Wannabe from Warners brings shivers to my spine. I hope I’m wrong…I like Arthurian legends and all…but that trailer! Ugh.
Better than the trailer…but the animation quality wasn’t up to the best of Disney (or even Fox). WB needs some work if they want to be a player in feature animation.
5. Jane Austen’s MAFIA!
When was the last good Airplane!/Naked Gun style parody? Nearly ten years ago!
And MAFIA! doesn’t break the streak
4. Wrongfully Accused
But this one has Mr. Magoo himself, Leslie Nielsen. Wait a sec… that may be a liability.
3. Knock Off
It’s been ages since Van Damme has had a decent movie to kick at. This one already has two strikes against it: Judge Dredd’s Rob Schneider, and the bottom-of-the-barrel August release date.
2. The Extreme Adventures of Super Dave (formerly Be the Man)
Hey, Super Dave Osborne has his own movie! Does anyone remember who he is? Talk about missing the window of opportunity!
1. Dirty Work
This one sounded interesting. Then I saw the surprisingly laugh-free trailer. An ominous feeling of dread approaches…
Not worthy of the #1 spot on the avoid list, but not much better, either

And now, the films which better be good:

25. BASEketball
Until the South Park Movie, we’re stuck with watching the live action antics of Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
Funny! South Park fans should feel right at home.
24. Dr. Dolittle
Is there life after The Nutty Professor for Eddie Murphy. The trailers have been funny…but it doesn’t look like there’ll be much highbrow stuff in this one.
Yet another comedy in which the trailers have all the best bits.
23. Bulworth
With an atrocious ad campaign, Warren Beatty’s latest will likely fade quickly. But political comedies have been good so far this year…so far…
Not worthy of the intense buzz surrounding the project. It starts well, but fades fast.
22. Blade
The trailer is good, but the concept is tired. Can Wesley Snipes carry the film?
20. 6 Days 7 Nights
I’m cautious after seeing the trailer. Harrison hasn’t made many wrong turns before, though.
Mildly entertaining…but unpolished
19. Out of Sight
Universal is hoping for another Get Shorty, but George Clooney is merely hoping for a hit.
One of the better written action films of the summer. Good ensemble work.
18. The Horse Whisperer
One of the most prominent dramas of the season…but I’m strangely detatched from this one. At least they’re no longer showing that inane teaser trailer.
A mixed bag here, the drama was good…but for a romantic drama, this one was surprisingly romance free.
17. Something About Mary
A comedy from the makers of Dumb and Dumber usually leaves me queasy, but this one has one of the funniest trailers of the year…can it live up?
It sure does…The funniest movie of the summer!
16. The Negotiator
An action thriller with two great actors: Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey. Could we hope for an actioner with substance???
Despite the year’s most annoyingly spoiling trailer, this one delivers.
15. Mulan
The second trailer is better than the first, but has Disney lost its magic?
Nope. Though they need to be more self confident, Disney is still the animation king
14. Snake Eyes
Nicolas Cage in a Brian De Palma thriller? Should be interesting.
13. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Reportedly the most bizarre Terry Gilliam film yet…and that’s no small feat. It’s not likely to surpass Godzilla at the boxoffice, but then, what is?
It’s a trip…Works best as a visual experience, rather than a coherent movie.
12. Small Soldiers
This one could have been great if it concentrated on the dark side of Toy Story. With a lighter outlook, the film could still be good…but we shall see.
Not a perfect film, but has enough good scenes to make it worthwhile.
11. Lethal Weapon 4
The extended teaser sequence in the recent trailer isn’t quite up to the quality of the earlier three entries. However, Chris Rock is a riot, and the series hasn’t disappointed (too much) so far.
Until now…Jet Li is the only thing worth watching in this sequel
10. Pi
A black and white thriller about a mathematician going insane. Intriguing.
9. The Mask of Zorro
Do we need another Zorro film? If the film can live up to the energy of its trailer, the answer is ‘yes’.
And it does. A shamelessly entertaining summer film.
8. Deep Impact
It’s the asteroid (ok..ok…comet) film that hits first. Tackling the subject as a drama could be interesting…but can the film pull it off?
A good start to the summer season…but things can definitely get better from here (at least, I hope so).
7. Godzilla
The lizard film. It will probably end up at the top of the summer box office. But can Devlin and Emmerich make a good film or just a moneymaking one?
Watch the giant tumble! Mildly amusing, but much more derivative than I’d thought it would be (even for a remake!).
6. The X-Files Movie
This one looks good…but there are a lot of questions? Will there be any answers?
Nope…you’re better off sticking to the small screen.
5. Armageddon
Can it emerge from the shadow of Deep Impact? It’s got the date right, and Bruckheimer films have always been entertaining, if not necessarily good for you.
Some good destruction here and there, but one of the worst in the Bruckheimer bin.
4. A Perfect Murder
There’s been lots of negative buzz over Gus Van Sant’s working over of Hitchcock’s Psycho, but few seem concerned about this retelling of Dial M For Murder (which I and few others consider to be a superior film). Personally, I’m intrigued at what they can do with it…Michael Douglas seems to fit perfectly.
Doesn’t quite dislodge Dial M For Murder from my heart, but an entertaining thriller anyhow.
3. The Avengers
The biggest two stumbling blocks for this one: Warner’s lack of confidence (they moved it to the August dust bin), and the potential to be too bizarre for its own good. However the film has the best trailer currently out there, and the star power to make it work.
2. Saving Private Ryan
Will DreamWorks ever create a hit? If it does, I’m banking on this one, which has the star power of Tom Hanks and Matt Damon behind it. Oh yeah, the director’s done a few good things as well.
Whoa! One of the best films I have seen in several years. See this one now!
1. The Truman Show
Advance buzz seems to be good on this one, but unfortunately the marketing seems to be aiming for the Ace Ventura audience. Didn’t they learn the lesson of The Cable Guy?
Well, it’s not perfect, but it is Carrey’s best film. Carrey’s acting talents bode well for his portrayal of Andy Kaufman in Man on the Moon.
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Neil Simon’s The Odd Couple II - * * *

Posted on April 4, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

Neil Simon's The Odd Couple II

Since 1966, Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon have collaborated eleven times (remarkably, over half of those films have been in the last seven years). However, most of their recent work has hearkened back to their cantankerous relationship in 1968’s The Odd Couple. Grumpy Old Men and Out to Sea were both sequels in a way, if not in name, so it doesn’t seem like it has been thirty years since the original Odd Couple graced the screen. But now, our old friends Oscar and Felix have returned, a little more vulgar and a whole lot older than before.

The old roommates have gone their separate ways, and haven’t seen (or thought much about) each other since 1981. But, time hasn’t changed them. Oscar Madison (Walter Matthau) is still a human pigsty, and Felix Ungar (Jack Lemmon) is still compulsively antiseptic.

Both have gone through failed marriages, and the catalyst that brings them back together is the upcoming marriage between their children: Felix’s daughter Hanah (Lisa Waltz) and Oscar’s son Bruce (Jonathan Silverman). The wedding is going to be held in a town about two hours north of L.A. The two men plan to meet, rent a car and drive to the town…but with these two, things aren’t going to be that simple.

Oscar Madison and Felix Ungar were never the most complex of characters. Each was simply a single personality trait taken to the extreme. What makes their characters come alive is the vibrant chemistry between Matthau and Lemmon. The two actors simply work well together. Whether they are bickering or expressing their idiosyncrasies, it’s a joy to watch them together.

This time, they’re helped out by a good script (by Neil Simon), which, although it formulaically relies on a road-trip structure, has a few genuine surprises. The script’s biggest weakness is an unnecessary coda which seems to exist only to draw allusions to the original Odd Couple.

One problem that arises with The Odd Couple II is the age of the protagonists. They seem like they’re about 10-15 years too old for the roles. Seeing them flirt around with Christine Baranski and Jean Smart is like watching the antics of two dirty old men. And when we meet with their kids, the men seem more like grandfathers than fathers. While not outside the realm of possibility, the film does seem to be pushing the envelope.

Still, it is funny, and when that’s true, most other considerations are secondary. It may not be a classic like the original, but it sure is enjoyable to revisit these old friends.

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The Spanish Prisoner - * * * 1/2*

Posted on April 3, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

Don’t look for a Spanish prisoner in David Mamet’s new film, The Spanish Prisoner. There isn’t one…but, that’s the point. In this intricate thriller, nothing is quite as it seems…or is it?

Joe Ross (Campbell Scott) thinks he’s on the verge of hitting the big time. He’s just invented a complex financial formula called The Process, which could mean huge profits for his company. His boss, Mr. Klein (Ben Gazzara), has promised him due compensation at the next stockholder’s meeting, but his friend George Lang (Ricky Jay), a company lawyer, advises him he should get something in writing, or he might get screwed.

Thus do Joe, George, Mr. Klein, and Susan Ricci (Rebecca Pidgeon), a company secretary who has a crush on Joe, travel to a Caribbean resort island St. Estephe to sell The Process. While there, Joe meets a mysterious businessman, Jimmy Dell (Steve Martin), who befriends him and begins to give him worldly advice.

But then, things begin to fall apart, and the overly-trusting Joe begins to have doubts. Is anyone really who they seem? Is Joe being played for a sucker? If so, who is out to get him, and who can he trust?

David Mamet’s complex plot is well constructed, and full of myriad twists and turns. The whole film is pleasantly reminiscent of Hitchcock. However, under strict analysis, the film doesn’t quite hold up that well (there are too many convenient coincidences). But it’s still leagues ahead of most thrillers.

Campbell Scott does an excellent job of pulling in the audience. His overly nice character could have been off-putting in a cynical world, or even been seen as a weakness. However, he manages to imbue Joe Ross with a strong everyman quality which makes him likable despite his flaws.

Steve Martin is the film’s most welcome surprise. In a mostly dramatic role, he delivers a delightful performance, with just the right amount of edge to be slightly unnerving.

Of the cast, the biggest disappointment has to be Rebecca Pidgeon. Her stiff delivery is the film’s most significant detraction. Whether it was either a conscious character quirk, or a result of over-memorization, her flat and precise delivery lets you know there’s an actor at work… shattering the veil of disbelief.

Thankfully, she has a wonderful script (written by her husband, director Mamet, no less) to build it up again. There may be flaws here and there, but for the most part, they work within the context of the film, and only truly make themselves known during reminiscence.

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Mercury Rising - *

Posted on April 3, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

Mercury Rising

Bruce Willis needs to stay away from straightforward action pictures. Mercury Rising adds to a growing list (including such stinkers as The Jackal, Last Man Standing, Striking Distance and The Last Boy Scout) of stale actioners he has headlined. And though Mercury Rising tries to spice things up by throwing an autistic kid in the mix, it is every bit as stale.

Art Jeffries (Bruce Willis) is your typical tormented FBI agent. You know the type, haunted by his job, yet so good at what he does that even physically assaulting another agent merely gets him a slap on the wrist.

Enter Simon (Miko Hughes), an autistic boy, who, like Rain Man and all other autistic people, is a savant. He can merely gaze at a super-encrypted message, and, while little computer beeps go off in his head, he can understand what it says.

Naturally, this talent has brought him to the attention of the federal government. Lt. Col. Nicholas Kudrow (Alec Baldwin), an NSA offical bubbling over with evil, has spent countless time and money implementing the newest “unbreakable” code, Mercury. However, when two of his underlings (Robert Stanton and Bodhi Pine Elfman) publish a Mercury-encrypted message in a puzzle magazine as a final test of its effectiveness, Simon cracks the code. Naturally, this infuriates Kudrow, who sends a terminator-like hitman (L.L. Ginter) to eliminate the security hazard.

And that’s where Art Jeffries comes in. For some reason that’s never explained in the film, the FBI is called in to help, and through a series of intricate machinations, Art becomes the sole protector of the young autistic boy. In a few unrealistic sequences, he enlists the aid of a stranger, Stacey (Kim Dickens), to help out, but she is given very little to do overall.

The central concept behind Mercury Rising is ludicrous. Why bother trying to kill the kid…I mean, who would know? It’s not like the kid (or anyone else for that matter) knew he was cracking a government super-cypher. And even if he is eliminated, what does that help? He’s already proven that Mercury can be broken. There’s always the chance that someone else would crack it…but I guess without a kid in jeopardy, there’s not much of a movie here.

For all its faults, the film actually starts relatively well (once you pass the painfully familiar teaser). The film flirts with developing real characters, and a semblance of a plot…then Mr. Terminator the hitman appears and everything begins going downhill…quickly.

Miko Hughes does a decent job, for his age, at creating a touching performance. However, don’t go to this film looking for any new insights into autism (not that many people will). Instead he merely becomes the latest unique partner in a routine buddy-cop movie (think Cop and a Half…with a twist!)

Willis and Baldwin are just overplaying to type. Rather than creating a nuanced character, Baldwin simply oozes sliminess. And for Willis’ part, he simply recycles the stock role of the loner cop/FBI agent (which he has honed in the Die Hard series). As almost an afterthought, about halfway through, the film carelessly gives him a character trait (an addiction), and then drops it in the next scene.

But the biggest problem with Mercury Rising is the screenplay. This film wasn’t well thought out at all. The film goes to extraordinary lengths to pad in as many convenient coincidences as possible. The carbon paper scene alone is unworthy of the most gullible audience member. At first the bad scenes just trickle in, but by the gruesomely bad finale they’re a veritable flood.

The film’s few decent moments come in the form of bad jokes (mainly from the geeks who developed the supercode). But they’re not nearly enough to make the film worthwhile. Mercury Rising is a thriller that you’re more likely to groan at than cheer.

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Lost in Space - * *

Posted on April 3, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

Leave it to Hollywood to remake Lost in Space, a television show that was itself a science fiction retelling of the Swiss Family Robinson. The Lost in Space TV show had devolved into camp after its first season, but though the movie remake takes itself a bit more seriously, it doesn’t give us much of a reason to.

Sixty years in the future, the Earth is running out of natural resources. To save the population, one scientist, John Robinson (William Hurt) has a plan. He has invented a hyperdrive, which can instantly link two areas in space, provided each area has a jumpgate (a cosmic buoy in space). He has located the nearest habitable planet, Alpha Prime, and, with the support of the world’s united space organization, plans to journey there to build a companion jumpgate to the one being constructed in Earth’s orbit. Until both gates are complete, travel between Earth and Alpha Prime is a time-consuming venture: the travelers must spend ten years in suspended animation.

As a condition of the trip, John Robinson’s crew will be composed of his family. His wife, Maureen (Mimi Rogers) is the ship’s resident biologist. His eldest daughter, Judy (Heather Graham), is the ship’s doctor. His two youngest kids, Penny (Lacey Chabert) and Will (Jack Johnson) are given token assignments as well. The only other person accompanying the family on their trip is Major Don West (Matt LeBlanc), who will pilot the Jupiter 2.

However, there is opposition to the plan back on Earth. A radical terrorist group, known as the Global Seditionists, have enlisted the aid of Dr. Smith (Gary Oldman) to sabotage the mission. He proceeds with the sabotage, but things don’t turn out as he expects. Dr. Smith finds himself an unwilling stowaway on their cosmic voyage, and the sabotaged ship ends up lost in space.

The plot of the movie Lost in Space makes more sense than most of the television episodes, but only slightly. If you start to think about the details too much, the entire plot collapses. So, to cure that: don’t think about the plot. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

There are several annoying things about Lost in Space, and the most irritating is Blarp, the Space Monkey. He serves no purpose whatsoever in the story except possibly as a merchandising tie-in. He’s evidently supposed to be cute, since he has saucer eyes and he burps after eating, but he doesn’t blend with the tone of the rest of the movie. And for that matter, he doesn’t blend much at all (despite his chameleonic coloring)…he’s obviously a special effect. He’s about as seamlessly integrated into the film as an animated cereal mascot. Coming from the rigid world of stop motion, special effects creature animators have terribly overcompensated in the world of CGI. No realistic creature constantly moves every point of his body at every second. Someday animators will find a happy medium, and the effects shots of Lost in Space will look as dated as King Kong.

The characterizations in Lost in Space are adequate, although the characters themselves are, for the most part, bland. In an effort to spice things up and bring the Robinson family into the ’90s (or the 2050s, as the case may be), the whole family has been dysfunctionalized. John Robinson has become a distant workaholic father who alienates his whole family. Penny is now a helium-voiced rebel, and Will is a misunderstood genius who only wants acknowledgment from his dad. Of all the cliched relationships aboard the wayward spaceship, the developing romance between Don West and Judy Robinson, while still not uncovering new ground, at least provides a humorous diversion.

Though not quite as sniveling as in the television series, the character of Dr. Zachary Smith is still the most interesting. Gary Oldman does a good job, but hardly seems to be stretching his range here. However, the film does come up with an interesting solution to the conflicting interests of killing off the villain and keeping him around for potential sequels.

With its stock characters and a complex plot about as flimsy as a spiderweb, this new Lost in Space is certainly not going to become a classic. It’s sole asset is its eye candy. If you just turn off your brain and relax, it will help to pass the time.

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No Looking Back - * 1/2*

Posted on March 27, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

No Looking Back

Edward Burns tackles his third picture with No Looking Back, and like his previous two, it is a working-class relationship picture. However, unlike his previous work, the film dwells on a more personal story, and with a female protagonist. And in No Looking Back, he stumbles, making a slow, boring film without the spark that enlivened his previous work.

Claudia (Lauren Holly) is a small town waitress who is feeling stifled by her life. She’s at a turning point in her life, and feels as if she’s going nowhere. Her boyfriend, Michael (Jon Bon Jovi), is broke and in a dead end job. If she were to marry him, she’d never get a chance to escape this town.

Enter Charlie (Edward Burns), Claudia’s old flame. He skipped town several years before, without any explanations…even for Claudia. He has come back to town to see her, and suddenly she is torn. Should she stay with stable Michael, and never escape her hometown…or should she ignore her instincts and fall for Charlie again.

Part of the answer lies in the character of her mother (Blythe Danner), who fell for the wrong man…and has spent her life pining for Claudia’s father to return. Now it seems that Claudia is about to make the same mistakes.

At only a little past ninety minutes, No Looking Back is rather short for its genre. Unfortunately, it seems much much longer. The storyline is simple and uninspired, and there’s a lack of energy to the whole proceedings, which makes the entire drama rather tedious.

Edward Burns makes a misstep by casting himself in the crucial role as the egomaniacal old flame. There’s no one to restrain his ego, which reigns unchecked. He walks into the room and Lauren Holly swoons…yeah, right.

Lauren Holly does what she can with her central character. But we never understand why her character makes such pathetically bad decisions…and we never really care.

Bon Jovi is the only sympathetic character in the whole movie. His acting talents are much greater than they might seem, but he is given a mostly bland and ineffective role to work with.

There’s not much to recommend in No Looking Back. It’s not that the film is bad…it’s simply boring. There’s no zest in any aspect of the film, and no reason to spend ninety minutes watching it.

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The Newton Boys - * * 1/2*

Posted on March 27, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

Richard Linklater, notorious for his modern day Generation X films, strikes off in new territory in The Newton Boys, a period drama detailing the true-life exploits of the most successful gang of bank robbers in United States history.

The mastermind behind the robberies is Willis Newton (Matthew McConaughey) who, after being wrongly imprisoned, decides to take a little back from the system. He teams up with an explosives expert, Brentwood Glasscock (Dwight Yoakam), and together they plan to rob square-door bank safes up and down the country.

To help them out, Willis enlists his brothers. There’s Jess (Ethan Hawke), the cowboy of the bunch who lives for the moment. Joe (Skeet Ulrich) is the youngest Newton, and the one with the largest moral dilemma. Finally, there’s Dock (Vincent D’Onofrio), the eldest, and most stubborn of the family Newton.

Together, they blaze a trail throughout the Midwest in the early 1920s (and even to Canada at one point). They never aim to hurt anyone…they just want the money. Along the way, Willis discovers one more thing he wants: Louise Brown (Julianna Margulies), whom he woos by pretending he’s a wildcatting oilman.

The Newton Boys takes a cavalier attitude toward its subject, painting the bank robbers as modern day Robin Hoods, who, since they were poor, robbed the rich and gave to themselves. The film is more about their attitude than about their crimes, or even their personalities. Aside from the well-done period detail, there’s not much we learn from The Newton Boys.

The lead characters are all genial in their roles. They’re likable, but not outstanding. They’re not bad here, but they’ve all done better work.

Perhaps the problems that fail to give the movie any lasting weight are the same that have allowed the exploits of the Newton boys to fade from popular knowledge. Sure, they set a record, but other than that, there’s very little there: no lurid tabloid details that stick in the mind, or lasting personalities to haunt us.

The best I can claim about The Newton Boys movie is that it is diverting. It is an anecdote of a movie that will pass the time, but won’t linger on your mind.

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Meet the Deedles - 1/2*

Posted on March 27, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

Part buddy comedy, part fish-out-of-water story, part nature tale, Meet the Deedles is not nearly as interesting as any of those archetypes. In fact, it is an invitation you ought to disregard.

Phil and Stew Deedle (Paul Walker and Steve Van Wormer) are the twin sons of the famous millionaire, Elton Deedle (Eric Braeden), founder of Deedle Enterprises. Elton wants his sons to be the perfect heirs to his fortune…instead the two are careless Hawaiian surf bums. To set them straight, he enrolls them into a strict Wyoming boot camp, to which the pair inevitably go.

After several misadventures in Wyoming, where the duo is stunned to discover there’s no surf, the brothers Deedle stumble upon a routine mistaken identity plot. They arrive at Yellowstone National Park, where they are believed to be two new park ranger recruits. Rather than slinking back home and disappointing their dad, the Deedles play along. Phil, actually, has other motives: the beautiful park ranger Jesse (A. J. Langer), who unfortunately happens to be the beloved stepdaughter of the overprotective Park Ranger Captain Douglas Pine (John Ashton).

Yellowstone has a problem. It’s only a week before the famous geyser Old Faithful celebrates its one billionth birthday, and the park is being overrun with prairie dogs. Not just one or two…thousands of them. The Deedles are assigned to eliminate the P.Dog menace, not knowing that it all is part of a fiendish plan by disgraced former Head Ranger Frank Slater (Dennis Hopper).

The Brothers Deedle aren’t supposed to be out-and-out stupid, like the team from Dumb and Dumber, or Bill and Ted. Instead, their brains just operate in a different, simpler, realm. A more accurate comparison would be with Carrot Top in Chairman of the Board, a film which, unfortunately, this one resembles in several hideous ways.

The central problem with Meet the Deedles is that it simply just isn’t funny. There’s a moment when Phil utters the line, “Insert Laugh Here”, which nearly sums up the entire Meet the Deedles experience.

The result isn’t bad in a run-shrieking-from-the-theater type of way. Instead, it’s merely bad in an excruciatingly boring sort of way. The cast seems decent, but they’re never asked to do anything remotely interesting. Instead, the film inundates the audience with countless shots of people and/or cars rolling downhill in the forest, and with constant annoying references to other Disney films.

You’ll have much better luck finding a good spot to surf in Wyoming than finding entertainment in Meet the Deedles.

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Wide Awake - * 1/2*

Posted on March 20, 1998 by Madeleine Williams

Wide Awake

Here’s a rarity: a children’s film that attempts to tackle a weighty subject, Is there a God? Done well, it could have been a gem among the wasteland of modern children’s cinema. Unfortunately, it isn’t. With jumbled messages, and an unclear audience, Wide Awake was better left asleep.

Fifth grader Joshua Beal (Joseph Cross) is in the middle of a moral crisis. His beloved grandfather (Robert Loggia) has died, and Joshua has begun a quest. He wants to find God, to discover why bad things happen.

This religious quest is slightly disturbing for his parents (Dana Delany and Denis Leary), but they do their best to cope with their son as he explores different religious faiths. At his Catholic school, his favorite teacher, Sister Terry (Rosie O’Donnell), tries to give him guidance, but this is a journey he must make on his own.

Meanwhile, he is having the most momentous year of his life. He has several adventures with his daredevil best friend Dave (Timothy Reifsnyder), he gets his first crush, and begins to wake up to the world around him while he is on his spiritual journey.

It is somewhat confusing as to what the real audience for Wide Awake is expected to be. On its surface, it appears to be a kid’s film. However, it deals with serious issues, and is likely to be boring for today’s instant-gratification kids. And while it might seem heartening to see that someone is trying to produce something thoughtful for the kidvid audience, Wide Awake asks serious questions, but only delivers a cheap gimmick for an answer.

If there were a bit more meat in the story, adults on a nostalgic bent might get a kick out of the movie. The actors who might have created a great cast (O’Donnell, Leary and Delany) are wasted in roles that amount to little more than cameos. The nostalgic elements (best friend, favorite teacher, first crush, etc.) have been done much better in other movies, and actually seem more like filler here.

The film’s strongest scenes are some touching flashbacks depicting Joshua’s relationship with his grandfather. They show more depth than is present anywhere else in the movie. Maybe the film would have been better if, instead of playing the relationship through flashbacks, it were set entirely during Joshua’s last year with his grandpa. It certainly would have been more entertaining.

Wide Awake can best be described as a failed experiment. It starts out with noble aspirations, but never delivers on its promise. Parents who do take their children to see this one ought to be prepared to answer some tough questions…that is if their kids aren’t bored to death first.

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