Almost Heroes - [No Tickets]

Almost Heroes

It’s sad…Chris Farley’s last film is also his worst. It’s a bad epitaph, and a worse movie.

Matthew Perry stars as Leslie Edwards, an explorer whose goal is to beat Lewis and Clark to the Pacific Ocean. To achieve this goal, he hires the second best tracker in early America, Bartholomew Hunt (Chris Farley), a drunken buffoon who has blundered his way into his reputation.

And that’s about all there is which passes for plot in this film. Their party contains some purportedly colorful characters such as jealous Frenchman Guy Fontenot (Eugene Levy), and encounters some purportedly colorful characters, such as the vain Spaniard Hidalgo (Kevin Dunn), but someone, somewhere forgot the humor.

There are only two sequences in the entire film which are barely chuckle-worthy (Farley’s eagle trials, and the group of elderly warriors). But they in no way can justify anyone in their right mind suffering through the rest of this atrocious film.

Die-hard fans of Farley will undoubtedly visit this travesty even though they would be better served by reviewing his best work: his skits on SNL. Farley was never able to locate a worthy movie for his talents. (Tommy Boy was the closest, but a messy and cluttered attempt that was more miss than hit.) Perhaps the problem was his reliance on the “fat-guy-falls-down” brand of humor that worked well in sketch comedy, but seemed labored when stretched out to fill a full movie. He never was able to either transcend the juvenile level of humor, or to make a movie filled with juvenile humor actually entertaining.

But, if Farley did a bad job here, at least he had company. Matthew Perry does a horrifically bad job. He actually manages to outshine Farley in the overacting category – an impressive feat, mind you, but not one conducive to a pleasant viewing experience. The rest of the cast are for the most part forgettable (a fact which I’m sure many of them will appreciate).

Director Christopher Guest takes a major wrong turn after his appealing Waiting for Guffman. Almost Heroes wallows in stupidity…not stupid-funny…just plain stupid. I got the feeling that some of the material might have played better had the movie allowed itself to stray from the rigidity of its plot. For example, the subplot involving an injury prone explorer could have actually been humorous if the movie allowed its tone to resemble that of say, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or even South Park. But, no, the movie never strays far from reality, and as a result, the humor stays grounded.

Why were Edwards and Hunt left out of the history books? Anyone who sees this movie will have a good idea: it’s definitely not something you want to remember.

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Hope Floats - * * 1/2*

Sandra Bullock rebounds from Speed 2 with a romantic drama that’s routine, but enjoyable.

Birdee Pruitt (Sandra Bullock) was the most popular girl in high school. She was cheerleader, prom queen, and married the quarterback, Bill (Michael Paré). Everything was perfect…and then it changed. One day, she’s invited to be a guest on the Toni Post show (ostensibly to receive a free makeover), only to have her best friend and her husband reveal their affair on national television.

Birdee swallows her pride, takes her daughter Bernice (Mae Whitman), and moves back to her small Texas hometown. There she finds more changes. Her beloved father is now suffering from Alzheimer’s and a stroke. The losers she derided when she was class queen have changed for the better, and take delight in Birdee’s reversal of fortune.

But Birdee’s mother, Ramona (Gena Rowlands), hasn’t changed much. She’s still meddlesome and eccentric (her hobby is taxidermy). And she tries to set Birdee’s life straight by hooking her up with town handyman Justin Matisse (Harry Connick Jr).

The problem with this sort of setup is that everyone knows what’s best for Birdee, but you have to wait through the whole film for her to finally realize what’s been obvious all along. This can be a nuisance if it is the only dramatic wellspring in a film, but luckily, in Hope Floats, there is one other source of drama: social status.

A crucial character flaw of Birdee is her refusal to accept change. She was on the top of the world during high school, and any change will only lead downhill. What she doesn’t realize is that the rest of the world has moved on while she remained in the past, and now the very qualities which made her the most popular girl in school are a liability rather than an asset. The film nicely parallels her story with that of Bernice, who is just starting to establish her place in the formative social strata of school.

And, of course, while all these social observations are going on, the romance is a necessary evil. Bullock and Connick Jr. make an attractive couple, even if they are a bit heavy on the saccharine. Bullock tackles her first meaty role in quite a while, and carries it off nicely. In his first leading role, Connick proves he can pull his own weight. (However, the question still remains whether he can portray something besides the down-home guy he typically plays.)

Director Forest Whitaker indulges himself by allowing one too many “cutesy” moments to pervade the film (such as an all too exuberant “cheer-up” song, or “awww”-inspiring closeups of little kids dancing). But, aside from that, he does a good job of shepherding the mostly straightforward story.

Hope Floats isn’t a perfect romance, and it’s not a perfect drama. But, as the message of the movie goes, being ordinary isn’t all that bad.

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The Opposite of Sex - * * * 1/2*

The Opposite of Sex

At first glance, The Opposite of Sex may seem to be merely a standard dysfunctional-family comedy. However, with a handful of excellent performances and a very witty screenplay make this one rise above the crowd.

DeDee Truitt (Christina Ricci) is the film’s narrator, and isn’t ashamed of the fact that she’s not a very nice person. At the age of sixteen, after her stepfather’s death, she runs away from home to move in with her half-brother Bill (Martin Donovan). She’s uninvited, but DeDee always gets what she wants…one way or another.

Bill is a gay high school teacher, rich from the inheritance of a former lover. His current boyfriend is Matt Mateo (Ivan Sergei), a brainless dolt whom DeDee immediately tries to seduce. Within days, Bill’s entire life is reduced to shambles.

Among the people who get caught in DeDee’s wake are Lucia (Lisa Kudrow), the bitter sister of Bill’s dead former lover, and Carl (Lyle Lovett), the kindly local sheriff who always seems to be in the right place at the right time.

But the black twisted heart of the story is DeDee. Her sharp and witty narration is worth the price of admission alone. She knows she’s in a movie and tweaks filmmaking conventions in a way other “self-referential” films (such as Scream) never dared. Her choice comments are biting and cruel, but hilarious.

Christina Ricci has finally found a role she can sink her teeth into. She has finally risen out of her mediocre phase in films such as Casper or That Darn Cat, and here shows the talent that was evident in the Addams Family films.

She’s backed up by a talented supporting cast. Surprisingly, the strongest secondary character her is the against-type Lisa Kudrow. Only Martin Donovan falters a bit, but that is because his gay character is the straight man in the film.

Screenwriter Don Roos makes his directorial debut with this film, which also happens to feature his best script. He takes a few chances with his direction, and, for the most part, they are successful.

The Opposite of Sex is not a fall-down funny comedy, but it’s full of moments which will bring a wicked little smile to your face.

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Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - * * 1/2*

This is not a movie for everyone. Its intense surrealistic drug imagery is at once intriguing and revolting. The film doesn’t have a strong point, but it tells it vividly and with an intense visual flair.

Johnny Depp stars as journalist Hunter S. Thompson (going under the alias Raoul Duke). In early 1971, he is given an assignment to travel to Las Vegas and cover the Mint 400, a motorcycle race in the desert. He hooks up with his attorney, Oscar Acosta (Benicio Del Toro) aka Dr. Gonzo, and together they plan to visit Vegas on one of the most intense drug and booze benders the world has ever seen.

Riding in a fire apple red convertible at top speed across the desert, and with a trunk full of nearly every dangerous illegal drug imaginable, the pair enter Las Vegas, where possession of mere marijuana carries a 20-year prison term. But they don’t let little things like laws or societal norms stand in the way of hitting their psychedelic highs.

If the film has a statement, it is a portrayal of the aftermath of the 60s. Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo are no longer heroes of a people’s revolution, but merely the distorted and discarded flotsam and jetsam of time. The purpose of the sixties had reached its final resting place: the ultimate indulgence of self-gratification.

The film doesn’t quite have a plot. The shreds of one are lost in the haze of the protagonists’ drug induced stupor. Instead, the film plays as a series of vignettes detailing the steady descent from normality into utter depravity.

More of a surreal experience than a movie, the film does manage to capture the stream-of-consciousness feeling of Thompson’s book. Whether or not that is a good thing depends on your own particular tolerances.

A few of the sequences in the movie drag on a bit long, and the film treads a thin line with its humor. That humor comes in two varieties: watching the hallucinating fools do foolish things, and observing the clash between the normal Vegas folk and the drug fiends. The former is amusing at first, but quickly wears out its welcome…however, there’s enough of the latter to prop up the movie in its weak spots.

Johnny Depp is playing a broad caricature here, but he manages to make the character interesting. Benicio Del Toro goes deep into character… so deep that he’s hardly recognizable in the film. The rest of the film is flooded with cameos by everyone from Cameron Diaz and Christina Ricci to Ellen Barkin and Gary Busey. Even Penn Jilette and Lyle Lovett pop up here and there.

If you enjoyed the book, you’ll find the movie about as good an adaptation as you could hope for. If the description in this review didn’t sound the slightest bit intriguing…this film is not for you. Whatever the case, if you see the film, you’ll never look at hotel carpeting the same way again.

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Bulworth - * *

After a longer than usual absence from the big screen, Warren Beatty has returned in a chancy political comedy. And while it’s not bad when he’s aiming for laughs, the movie switches gears halfway through, attempting to be an earnest political drama…a move that just doesn’t fly.

California Senator Jay Billingston Bulworth (Warren Beatty) is suffering a nervous breakdown during the last weekend before the Democratic primary. He has lost the idealism of his youth, and is jaded by the flood of politically correct sound bytes which monopolize his life. His depression gets deep enough that he hires a hitman to assassinate him before the primary.

His final weekend is a liberating one for him. No future means no political repercussions, and Senator Bulworth decides to finally speak his mind. No topic is safe as he bluntly expresses his filter-free views on race relations, socialism, the entertainment industry, and corporate campaign contributions.

At this point, the movie is on a roll…and at this point, it falters. Rather than sticking with the funny concept of a politician finally speaking his mind, the film gets high minded, and he begins speaking the “truth” (or at least Warren Beatty’s version of it). By the time the film trots out the eternally wise homeless man (Amiri Baraka) and the soft-hearted drug dealer (Don Cheadle), you know it’s gone down the wrong path.

Until then, the film does have several good barbs, and Beatty gives a mostly amusing performance. This time around, he takes a “warts-and-all” approach to filmmaking (obviously sensitive to the soft lighting criticisms he received for Love Affair). However, he still can’t resist placing a romantic angle in this unromantic film. This time around, Halle Berry plays his love interest, a campaign volunteer with an agenda of her own, in a subplot that just doesn’t float with the rest of the movie.

Even though the romance doesn’t quite fit, Berry does a decent job with her role. As do most of the supporting cast, including talents such as Paul Sorvino, Jack Warden and Isaiah Washington. However, the standout here is Oliver Platt, as Bulworth’s frazzled campaign manager, trying to make some sort of sense of his boss’ new enlightenment.

For a political comedy to work, it either needs to forswear any political message, or at least make it subservient to the humor. Bulworth doesn’t follow this advice (or not for long, anyway), and crashes and burns just when it should be hitting new heights.

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The Horse Whisperer - * * 1/2*

The Horse Whisperer

In what may be (and probably should be) Robert Redford’s last romantic leading role, he has chosen to adapt Nicholas Evan’s popular pulp romantic novel Yet, while the Horse Whisperer is a beautiful film to watch, its romance never gets aflame.

After a riding accident in upstate New York, young Grace MacLean (Scarlett Johansson) is seriously injured, and her horse, Pilgrim, is wounded and crazed. Grace’s mother, Annie (Kristin Scott Thomas) believes the horse is the key to rehabilitating her despondent daughter. If Pilgrim can recover, perhaps her daughter can as well.

To this end, Annie seeks out the country’s best horse doctor. She discovers an article about Tom Booker (Robert Redford), a horse whisperer who applies patience and an intuitive understanding to horses and their problems. Even though an initial contact with Tom proves fruitless, Annie resolves to haul Grace and Pilgrim halfway across the country to Tom’s Montana ranch.

There, with her bullheaded ways, she convinces Tom to help retame Pilgrim. Over the weeks which follow, she gets to know Tom and his family (brother Frank (Chris Cooper), and sister-in-law Diane (Dianne Wiest)), and grows to appreciate the Montana countryside. But can Annie remain faithful to her husband, Robert (Sam Neill), and her cluttered New York lifestyle, or will the charms of Tom and Montana be too great to bear?

In the end, it doesn’t matter much. As a romance, The Horse Whisperer is terribly flawed. The problem rests on Kristen Scott Thomas’ shoulders. She does such a good job at portraying how stubborn and domineering Annie is, that her character comes off as mean and cold…two traits that aren’t conducive to passionate romance.

Luckily, there’s more to The Horse Whisperer, otherwise the film would be a complete waste. The film’s parallel rehabilitation story of Pilgrim and Grace works very well (especially in contrast to the romance). Redford works much better as a paternal than a romantic interest in this film. And Scarlet Johansson handles her difficult role excellently.

Then, of course, the film is extremely well photographed, as can be expected for an outdoor film in Montana. But the cinematography doesn’t end purely with the scenery. The film is shot in two differing aspect ratios (a confining one for the New York sequences, and then glorious widescreen for Montana.) The animal photography is very good as well, particularly over the opening and closing credits.

Although The Horse Whisperer might not be romantic, it is moving… and a good looking film to boot.

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Woo - *

Woo

Daisy v.S. Mayer directs this blind date comedy that’s more uncomfortable than a bad date. Boring, uninteresting and pointless, the film wastes both its talent and your time.

Woo is the name given to Jada Pinkett Smith’s free-spirited character. Beautiful and smart, she’s also a handful…so much so that her cousin Claudette (Paula Jai Parker), with whom she’s staying, schemes to get her out of the apartment for one night. She asks her husband Lenny (Dave Chappelle) to set up a blind date between his friend Tim (Tommy Davidson) and Woo.

Tim is a legal assistant studying for the bar, and a very nice guy. Too nice, or so his friends think. His last girlfriend used and abused him, and now, on the rebound, he reluctantly agrees to the blind date.

Of course, the blind date turns into the disastrous date from hell. But it’s not all bad…at least they didn’t have to sit though a movie like Woo. Woo is never groundbreakingly awful. Well, ok…the chicken sex fetishist was disturbingly bad, but the movie is more bland than horrible. The film is packed with endless unfunny setups that lead nowhere. You’re sure that there’s going to be a payoff soon…but it just never comes.

Jada Pinkett Smith deserves a better film than this one. Her role here has some substance, but it is lost in the morass of the film’s bungled attempts at humor. Tommy Davidson fills the needs of his role: nice but boring. There’s not much to be said for the supporting cast. Tim’s trio of buffoonish friends particularly suffer from the film’s lack of humor.

The film is not “Run Away!” bad, but it is bad…and not one which I would recommend to anyone besides an insomniac.

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Deep Impact - * * 1/2*

Deep Impact

The first of the dueling disaster pics has hit! Deep Impact has beat its competitor, Armageddon, by nearly two months. Gunning to be the more thoughtful of the two, Deep Impact does manage to deliver a few thrills, but it is too detached to deliver much more.

The film opens with the discovery of the doomsday comet by an amateur astronomy buff, Leo Biederman (Elijah Wood). As if that weren’t enough bad luck, the movie proceeds to segue into a tragic act that has little purpose and virtually no relation to the rest of the film.

But then things get rolling again as the film picks up the action one year later. An MSNBC reporter, Jenny Lerner (Tea Leoni) has stumbled upon the scoop of a lifetime. Thinking she is delving into yet another Capitol Hill sex scandal, she blunders her way into unveiling the government’s secret preparations to avoid Armageddon.

President Beck (Morgan Freeman) has been working with the Russians to build the largest spacecraft in history, the Messiah. An international team of astronauts and cosmonauts (Ron Eldard, Blair Underwood, Jon Favreau, Mary McCormack, and Alexander Baluyev) are joined by Apollo pilot Spurgeon Tanner (Robert Duvall) in their mission to divert the comet.

Of course, a disaster flick wouldn’t be a disaster flick if it didn’t have the mandatory cross-society slice of life. To that extent, we meet Jenny’s estranged parents (Vanessa Redgrave and Maximilian Schell, no less), and reunite with the now famous Biedermans, to see how various families cope with the potential end of the world.

Watching Deep Impact, you get the feeling that you’re being left out of the loop. There’s some interesting information that’s going on just underneath the surface, but the film never quite lets you get a good look. Take the pre-apocalypse baby boom for example, or the riots and civil unrest that accompany the harbinger of doom. The movie presents you with conclusions, but never explains the details of the argument. It gives you a synopsis of events, but never makes you feel like you are there.

The pool of talent definitely isn’t lacking in the film. However, when you’ve got Freeman, Duvall, Redgrave and Schell in the background, Tea Leoni and Elijah Wood can’t quite compete. To be fair, they do a decent job, but are simply outclassed.

The character writing doesn’t help them out that much, either. To further the plot, and raise suspense, several of the main characters in the film are forced to make wincingly bad decisions. These are decisions that no sane man (and few crazy ones) would dare make.

At least the film has some good eye candy to divert your attention. The special effects are good, but not as awe inspiring as they should be. That’s probably the result of the recent glut of disaster pictures. After seeing mass destruction in every other movie, one quickly develops a blasé attitude. Still, there are a few impressive scenes.

Overall, Deep Impact isn’t by far a perfect disaster film, but it has its entertaining moments. It’s nothing to rush out to see, but a good way to pass the time during a matinee.

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Godzilla - * 1/2*

Godzilla

Call him Godzilla, The Reluctant Lizard. The makers of Independence Day have applied their unique sensibilities to reinventing everyone’s favorite big, green, city-stomping reptile. You don’t really expect much in the way of plot and/or character development, do you? Good. But in this new incarnation, the scaly fella may be bigger, but he’s not very impressive.

Born many years earlier, during French nuclear testing in the South Pacific, Godzilla has chosen this moment to make his public appearance (And why not? This is the Summer Movie Season!) From his South Pacific home, he makes a beeline toward The Big Apple…presumably because of the smell of fish.

Naturally, the military is concerned. They bring in an expert in radiation-induced growth-mutations, Dr. Niko Tatopoulos (Matthew Broderick). He is the stock personality-free scientist who has frequented other Emmerich productions such as Stargate (James Spader), and Independence Day (Jeff Goldblum).

But Dr. Tatopoulos isn’t the only character strewn into the path of a giant lizard. No, we are tormented with the presence of his ex-girlfriend, and television reporter hopeful, Audrey Timmonds (Maria Pitillo)…a completely annoying and unsympathetic character. At least she’s accompanied by cameraman Victor “Animal” Palotti (Hank Azaria), who gives the film its best Godzilla-induced fear reaction.

On a more entertaining note, the French Secret Service have dispatched crack agent Philippe Roache (Jean Reno) to quietly dispose of the monster. Reno’s cool mannerisms and suave style easily make him the most enjoyable character in the film, even if the French jokes are layed on a bit thick.

And then there’s the big guy…Godzilla himself. In the original Japanese monster flicks, Godzilla always had sort of a surly attitude (probably the result of an unhappy actor spending too much time in an uncomfortable rubber suit). The new Godzilla, on the other hand, has no attitude whatsoever. He’s a personality free lizard, and though you may not spot any zippers in his new incarnation, he’s hardly the same ol’ creature.

The special effects have obviously improved over the years, and you might think that Godzilla would benefit from the enhanced technology. The answer is yes and no. In redesigning the creature, the filmmakers apparently decided to stay with the “guy in a lizard suit” theme. Although the new creature has been given a good, realistic head, he is also in possession of very human arms and legs. So, even though he’s entirely computer generated, you can never quite shake the image of a guy in a suit creeping around a model city.

Every special effects driven movie needs to have some sort of centerpiece scene, a scene which is so impressive that you instantly forget about secondary problems such as plot or characterization. Such a scene is missing from Godzilla. There’s only one action sequence, stuck at the end of the film, which comes close (it’s derivative and unbelievable, but fun).

You can never expect much from the script for a special effects extravaganza (after all, if the film is done right, no one will ever notice little details like a screenplay), but the script for Godzilla scrapes the bottom of the barrel. Not much makes sense here (for example, why is anyone surprised when the radioactive-mutation expert suggests Godzilla is the result of radioactive-mutation?) and a lot of little details haven’t been thought out (why don’t the attack helicopters fly above the lizard, rather than at mouth range?) And the characters? Independence Day had a stronger batch, and that’s not saying much. Even the so-called humor in the film (the labored Siskel-and-Ebert jokes simply seem bitter) fall flat. No, there’s not much here.

If you’re looking for a popcorn film, Godzilla may seem to fill the bill. And at the dollar theater, you might be right. But even as low-grade mindless entertainment, Godzilla isn’t quite satisfying. You’d get much better entertainment value for your buck by rewatching some of Godzilla’s inspirations: Jurassic Park, or even the original Gojira. This Godzilla may be big, but he’s an empty shell.

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Quest for Camelot - * 1/2*

The Quest for Camelot

Everybody wants a piece of the Disney animated pie. It’s too bad that most of the newcomers, such as Warner Brothers’ Quest for Camelot, concentrate more on replicating the Disney formula of story elements, and less on the overall quality of animation.

Quest for Camelot tells the tale of Kayley (Jessalyn Gilsig speaking, Andrea Corr singing), a young girl who dreams of being a knight of the round table in Camelot, just like her father, Sir Lionel (Gabriel Byrne). She gets a chance to prove herself when the exiled knight Sir Ruber (Gary Oldman) hatches a plan to steal King Arthur’s famous sword Excalibur, along with Kayley’s mother, The Lady Juliana (Jane Seymour).

But when Ruber loses the sword in the Forbidden Forest, Kayley sees it as her chance to recover the lost weapon for the King. (The film never quite explains why all the knights of the round table are simply sitting on their thumbs back in Camelot.) Evading Sir Ruber and his legion of half-human half-weapon henchmen, Kayley teams up with the blind hermit Garrett (Cary Elwes speaking, Bryan White singing), his seeing-eye falcon, and a two headed dragon, Devon and Cornwall (Eric Idle and Don Rickles).

The animation of Quest for Camelot is very inconsistent. There are a few key shots which are done very well (The Forbidden Forest vs. the Griffin, for example, or the attack of the fire breathing dragons). The rest of the film is shortchanged. It ranges from barely passable to glaringly awful. Kids who watch the film may not care, but apparently neither do the filmmakers.

The story follows a standard formula, and there’s not much to surprise anyone here. They might be trying to score some points by having a female hero and a blind sidekick (who only acts blind on the rare occasions the script calls for it), but that’s about the only thing unusual in the film. Even the songs seemed tired and routine, having no individual flavor or style.

There are a few nice touches here and there (the liveliness of the Forbidden Forest is interesting, and a few passing moments of humor, but for the most part, Quest for Camelot is dull and lifeless (particularly when compared to the average Disney cartoon, or even Fox’s Anastasia.)

Children may get a kick out of seeing the film once or twice, though it doesn’t bear the hallmarks of being a child’s favorite must-watch film. Adults, on the other hand, will simply have to suffer through.

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