The Saint - 1/2*

It’s simply stunning how shockingly bad a movie is The Saint. Val Kilmer gives the title role a good effort, and co-star Elisabeth Shue is appealing, so why is the film so amazingly awful? The answer: one of the most ludicrous scripts to come out of the Hollywood Script Factory in recent years. When it’s not busy compiling spy movie cliches and plagarizing scenes from other movies, it spends most of its time neglecting the logic of its weak plot. Kilmer portrays Simon Templar, a mercenary thief and master of disguise, plagued by a tragic childhood (presented in a laughable opening sequence). He’s hired to steal an incomplete cold fusion formula from Dr. Emma Russell (Elisabeth Shue)…it’s the right formula, but she’s not quite sure in what order to place her notes. However, while seducing her, the Saint falls in love. This causes problems for his current employer, Ivan Tretiak (Rade Serbedzija), a former communist leader turned oil magnate and Russian mafia leader. Tretiak wants the formula to propel him into political power in Russia, and also wants the Saint dead due to past encounters. Anyway, so it’s up to the Saint to steal the formula, get his money, stay alive, protect his love, and foil the plans of the evil Tretiak. A few of the action sequences are good, as long as you fail to remember the original movies that they were lifted from, and keep from being distracted by the endless stream of flaws the movie presents to you. That’s good advice for the rest of the movie as well. I mean, take for example the scene where Dr. Russell treats Simon’s scalp wound, and fails to notice the fact he’s wearing a wig. By itself, it’s a forgivable flaw, but the movie delivers them nonstop, making it extremely difficult to suspend disbelief. There’s an easy remedy… skip the movie. You’ll be thankful in the long run.

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